Emotional is an understatement. The idea of walking the Survivor Lap at the Relay for Life (Fri, June 25-26) made me feel sick. Why? I can't put my finger on it.
On one hand it felt like it would give me some closure to my ordeal. On the other, it meant admitting that I wasn't as 'normal' as I pretended to be over the last year. Then of course, there was the announcing that I actually had cancer to many people in my town that probably did not know.
I admit, I can be a bit loud (my friends are laughing at that understatement), but I do not feel comfortable putting myself in the spotlight. I am more of a loud-in-a-group kind of gal. Walking a lap in a bright purple shirt that screams 'I had Cancer' was not my idea of subtle... yikes!
I did it, with the help and support of two friends who also were walking (survivors of Cervical and Ovarian Cancers). We linked arms then held hands and tried our best not to cry (super hard). It was incredibly weird to be walking in the lap rather than watching and cheering from the inside of the track. Many were crying, whether for us, or perhaps for those they wished were walking. Back to that word emotional....
Then we reluctantly let go and our families & friends joined us for the second lap (Caregivers Lap), which felt great.
Walking with my fellow cancer survivors then walking with my husband and kids reminded me that I am not in this alone. I never was. I never will need to be.
I am glad I did it.
On one hand it felt like it would give me some closure to my ordeal. On the other, it meant admitting that I wasn't as 'normal' as I pretended to be over the last year. Then of course, there was the announcing that I actually had cancer to many people in my town that probably did not know.
I admit, I can be a bit loud (my friends are laughing at that understatement), but I do not feel comfortable putting myself in the spotlight. I am more of a loud-in-a-group kind of gal. Walking a lap in a bright purple shirt that screams 'I had Cancer' was not my idea of subtle... yikes!
I did it, with the help and support of two friends who also were walking (survivors of Cervical and Ovarian Cancers). We linked arms then held hands and tried our best not to cry (super hard). It was incredibly weird to be walking in the lap rather than watching and cheering from the inside of the track. Many were crying, whether for us, or perhaps for those they wished were walking. Back to that word emotional....
Then we reluctantly let go and our families & friends joined us for the second lap (Caregivers Lap), which felt great.
Walking with my fellow cancer survivors then walking with my husband and kids reminded me that I am not in this alone. I never was. I never will need to be.
I am glad I did it.
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