I first heard about www.caringbridge.org when my cousin Jen was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  

I joined with the encouragement of family so I could be kept up to date on Jen's progress. Almost immediately I was hooked. I was excited to get an email telling me about another post- not because I was being nosey- but because it was an amazing way to feel connected to someone I cared about. It made it easy for me to hear how she was- laugh with her about her hilarious stories- cry when you could feel her pain...without intruding on her and her family's privacy. 

Little did I know that I would need it so shortly after she was 'done'. Little did I know how important it would be throughout my ordeal.

When I found out I had cancer, we called immediate family (parents and siblings- 13 in all) and told them the bad news.  We then had to tell friends who were connected with the kids to make sure carpooling to school and sports was covered. That was exhausting and we hadn't even started our journey. 

When I had my surgery to remove the cancer, we were inundated with well intentioned calls, email, texts and visits looking for updates. It was overwhelming.  It was hard to explain and re-explain what had happened and what will happen. It was exhausting to explain crazy things like 'we didn't know- why weren't we called...' questions (yes that actually happened quite a bit).

We made the decision to post all updates about my condition on www.Caringbridge.org  and let everyone know in one swoop what was happening to me. As I put it in my opening page...'I wanted my time at work to be very productive and my time at home to be real quality time'. I really wanted to be left alone, sleep, and not have to talk 'cancer' 24/7.

This site was and is amazing. It saved my sanity and made me feel closer to family & friends from all over the country. I received messages from so many that I had lost contact with over the years. Words of encouragement helped me get through many days.  Also, it was great that everyone got to hear the 'story' first hand from me rather than through the inaccurate family gossip line.
   
When I finished my last treatment, I signed off Caringbridge with one final post. I was a great way to help move on. I did print the entries I made and the messages left- someday I will show them to my children. Maybe they can get a true glimpse of what was happening at that time. Maybe it will explain some of my behavior.

I strongly encourage anyone facing a crisis to visit thier website, www.caringbridge.org and give yourself a break during what could be the most difficult time of your life.

Had to laugh a little bit when my daughter (age 10) said that to me recently. Really?

I thought it had been pretty obvious that this was what our family had been dealing with through the last year. I thought it was pretty clear why I was undergoing Chemo for 3 days every other month.  I thought...I thought.

Once I stopped 'thinking', it dawned on me that I never used the word 'cancer' in front of my kids. I said 'chemo' but not cancer. I spent so much time making sure they knew that the doctors took out the crap in my body and that the medicine (chemo) they were giving me was to make sure it never came back. I spent so much time making sure life was 'normal' for them and that I was sooooo strong.

When I referred to my chemo treatments or when I felt lousy, I said that I was 'sick' but going to get better real soon. I never really told them the honest to goodness truth.

I was trying to protect them from being scared. Was I successful? Would it really have harmed them to know the truth? How do you judge what a kid can digest for info...how much info is too much?

I don't think I would have handled it differently except maybe use the word 'cancer' at the beginning and then continue to emphasize that chemo will make sure it does not come back...will make you sick as a dog, but should help...

My kids did great through my ordeal. I hope they gained some strength from our journey and never have to experience it again. Perhaps I should have them both do an entry to give their perspective- I bet it would be fascinating.

Curious to see how others handled telling/dealing with their children through cancer...

I did not lose all of my hair like many people I know who went through chemo, mine thinned. Many said they didn't even notice, but I did. I still do.

Can't tell you how many times I woke up over the last year to see how many hairs were on my pillow or how many hairs I counted in my hand in the shower. Blow drying my hair was torture because my hair would be on the sink, walls, floor etc..

I almost shaved my head to end the pain, but couldn't do it. I think I just wanted to postpone that as long as possible thinking it would be easier for my kids, easier for me to keep up the 'normal' act. My plan was to see if the thinning continued or was isolated to just the front, then I would bite the bullet and embrace being a bald ChemoHead.

In fact, the ChemoHead character is how I felt I looked over the last year, a self portrait to a point.  I wanted the character to show all ChemoHeads, those thinning and those regrowing their hair, keeping that smile but feeling fuzzy inside your head and out.

My chemo treatments ended in March and I am still hoping to regain the hair I used to have. Actually, I was hoping it would come back thicker and a pretty auburn color (wishful thinking rather than the thin brown hair I have always had). So far, I do have some wispy hair coming in but not as quickly as I hoped and not an overwhelming amount.  

Anyone else dealing with this? How long do I have to wait? Will I be one of those chemo patients who do not grow their hair back- another exception to the rule?